My Shoes’ Stench is enough to Kill a Water Buffalo SOS plz!!!

My Shoes’ Stench is enough to Kill a Water Buffalo SOS plz!!!

April 12, 2022

That look on all of your coworkers’ faces? The wrinkled noses, the slight “I’m-feeling-sorry-for-you-but-it’d-be-rude-for-me-to-say-something” squint. You walk by and that’s when they look up– or away– to gag. It’s all there. The response to one terrible and absolutely horrific thing.


Your smelly shoes.


You know what’s not there? A shoe deodorizer. Seriously, just do it. Save yourself, your workspace, and obviously your shoes.


Just the other day I was walking in late to my first class in the morning. The day was just getting going, and it was still pleasantly chilly outside as well as being rather blustery. I normally walk to school, and it had been a beautiful start to the day.


Pink cherry blossoms hung high overhead, lazily swaying in the wind. Sunlight filtered through broad green leaves. A delicate smell of wet earth permeated the air from last night’s rain. I was humming “Good Morning!” from Singin’ in the Rain. 


The first soft breaths of summer were making themselves known.


I strode into my classroom, fresh from the brisk outdoors.

 

Then I was hit with a solid, acrid– no, SOUR– wall of– I don’t know how to describe it, but the scent was vaguely like chicken. And not your mom’s amazing chicken parm’ either.

 

 

The gross kind of chicken smell– y’all know what I’m talking about. 


My eyes began to water, and the beginnings of a headache were beginning to make their merry way through my noggin’.  My nose wrinkled up like a sock lying forgotten in the washer, and the bridge of my brows knit together faster than Mrs. Weasley at Christmas-time.


It was people. People wearing t-shirts, shorts, and half-baked tans. Slightly *ahem* sweaty people.


It’s not like we were at the gym or anything– it was just what you might expect from your average, run-of-the-mill university class at the start of summer. It wasn't even my most crowded class. 


Needless to say, I was rather confused. Why was the smell bothering me so much that morning? People-funk is nothing new.


That’s when it hit me. Not the smell– the peculiar chicken-funk had already slapped me upside the head and rifled through my senses for some spare lunch-money. 


Indeed, it was just that this smell was one which I haven’t really experienced for any extended period of time for a long while. Plus, summer is on her way, and with that comes more opportunity for some not-so-hot nasal nuisance.


Now that we’re slowly yet surely getting back out into the world, screens can’t defend us against your not-so-fabulous funk, and it’s probably time to start giving your feet their due attention. I’m not saying it’s you– it’s you AND your shoes. We can help with at least one of those, alright?


I’m not saying to just go ahead and burn your favorite pair of Uggs, but maybe they just need a little extra TLC.


I know what you're thinking– a shoe deodorizer is just a gimmick, right? A vile vial of snake oil?


WRONG! Seriously, what do you have against it? I mean, I’m not saying this Lavender Tea Tree Natural Shoe Deodorizer is the panacea to all of your problems (sorry, your cozy crocs just aren’t ever going to be trendy), but it could really help with the issue of your rank shoes.


Still stuck in your anti-shoe-deodorizer ways? For real– why the heck wouldn’t you want your feet to smell like a gorgeous field of lavender??


Tell me all your mal-informed anti-shoe-deodorizer woes.


1. Um yes, excuse me, see shoe deodorizers are just grody chemicals that are bad for the environment! 

 

We thank you kindly for your well-meant concern, however, this shoe deodorizer is good for your shoes AND mother Earth. Yeah, I said it. 


And meant it! No parabens, phthalates, aerosols, formaldehyde, OR gag-worthy foot smell.


It’s absolutely possible! Spray this in your fabulous footwear and forget about your foot-funk. 


An absolute butt-ton of shoe deodorizers just smell like our old high school biology classroom’s lab cabinet– with the addition of the bitter burning effluvium of your feet– NOT a winning combination. 


But the natural ingredients of this spray are sourced responsibly– yeah, so you don’t have to worry about enjoying the fresh lavender scent, as opposed to being exposed to your 


omgoodness-who-died-in-here?-frick’-this-is-the-grossest-thing-I’ve-ever-smelled-YIKES-why-am-I-crying-IT’S-YOUR-FUMES


… feet… au’ naturel.’ Nobody needs that. Nobody wants to poke it with a 39 1/2 foot pole. 

Shoe deodorizer is a swell way to avoid having people avoid you like the Grinch.

 

2. HECK shoe deodorizer costs sooooo much money!

    Rotten companies (not LUMI) sometimes just want your money.

    Um maybe some do, but with this one you get 700+ sprays from ONE freakin’ bottle! Depending on how often you use the sucker, it should last you and your shoes a good amount of time. 


    Unless you’re just spraying it on other smelly objects, which we totally wouldn’t fault you for. It’s THAT good.


    The stuff can literally be liquid gold when sprayed on any of your nasty-smelling items. Shoes, athletic gear, litter boxes? Seriously, it can be multi-purpose, and I bet you’re thinking of that one thing in your home that could use a little spritz to go from rank to rad.


    Go from funky-fresh to just fresh and give all of our noses the breaks they deserve.


    That’s the problem, isn’t it? You get so used to your feet’s normally nasty smell that even at its worst, you’re the last person to notice. We’ve all been there– it’s been a long day and your shoes show it. Or… their smell shows it. And everyone else can tell.


    You can chuck the shoes, or you can do something about it! 

     

    It's way cheaper to buy a shoe deodorizer than it is to buy new shoes.


    And we all know that you’re not willing to get rid of your favorite (albeit stinky) shoes quite yet. They’re funky because they’re well-loved. Don’t worry– it’s not time to get rid of them! . Far from it! It’s time to take action! It’s time to smell like something amazing like a dreamy field of lavender! It’s time to buy LUMI! 

    3. But shoe deodorizers don’t work! MY feet are forever doomed to smell like last night’s pizza left out on the counter…

      Pizza is awesome (pineapple and all), but your feet shouldn't smell like it.

      Well aren’t you just a freakin’ ray of sunshine? So– you think that there’s nothing out there to save you, your feet, and everyone else within whiffing distance of your pungent peds? Yeah, um tell that to the 1, 276 people who gave this one an average of 4.5 stars on Amazon. Go ahead– we’ll wait.


      While you’re suffering from pizza-feet, they’re all living their best lives with the feathery-light floral fragrance of lavender.


      Sure these people aren’t experts, but they’ve got noses! That’s kind of the next best thing. All those people and their bonafide average schnozes have spoken, and we would be absolute fools not to heed their feedback. 


      Don’t listen to me, listen to these wholesome reviews–


      Marnie said “...it completely eliminated the odor by overpowering it with the awesome lavender smell. I drench the shoes in this spray and I literally had someone ask what perfume I was wearing the other day because they liked it.”


      MOVE OVER BATH AND BODY WORKS!!! There’s new game in town, and she smells like lavender and pure, unadulterated joy. Unlike some people (*pointedly looks at you, my dearest, possibly smelly reader). 


      Jessica Jones said “...the prior shoes died horribly even though they were washable and I had two pairs so that I could wash them regularly. Now, I use this spray in my socks (before going in the laundry) and shoes, and I have NO problems.”


      Don’t let your shoes “die horribly.” That’s just shoe-cruelty– it’s (*cues dramatic gasp) “shruelty.” 


      Gramma B said “This shoe deodorizer smells wonderful and works!...  I really like this Lavender Tea Tree Shoe Spray and it works!!... Buy it and try it. I also bought the stronger one for my husband's smelly shoes. Yeah, he needed it (sorry dear!!)”


      Listen to Gramma B– she knows what’s up. And it’s NOT her (or her husband’s) foot smell.


      Seriously, we all need some shoe odor eliminators. A stinky feet remedy. Your foot smell shouldn’t knock anyone’s socks off.


      I know you might be thinking that it’s not that bad, but really… it might be. It’s gotten to be a problem. You’ve been putting off taking care of the funk for a while now, and I think even you know that it’s time to do something about it.


      You should be able to walk into a room with lots of other people, and NOT have to worry about your shoes smelling. Don’t be that person who contributes to the overall chicken smell of a room crowded with people sweltering in the warmer weather.


      Shoes are meant to be simply practical, and something you slip on in the morning, and just kind of forget about as the day wears on. Why worry about something so easily fixable?


      So go ahead. Buy the lavender shoe deodorizer. You and your feet- and anyone who has to smell your normally rank feet– will thank you. 


      Also, it's a little like thanking yourself. Just treat you and your shoes and smell like a smol’ happy lil’ lavender bean. Self-love, amiright?


      But mostly it’ll be for me and the rest of society. I might like you, but your smelly feet aren’t it.


      Unless that smell is LUMI lavender:) Then it’s cool.